Giving Feedback to Your Therapist Isn’t Rejection — It’s Relationship

A few weeks ago, a client gave me feedback in session that wasn’t easy to hear.

They shared it gently, clearly, with honesty and care. I thanked them for their openness — and I truly meant it.

But later that day, I spiraled.

I started questioning myself, my approach, my skill, my worth. I asked myself:

“Am I not doing enough?”

“Did I miss something important?”

“Am I the right therapist for them?”

It’s hard not to take feedback personally when your work is deeply personal.

I sat with a quiet ache of self-doubt. And yet, somewhere under the discomfort was something else: insight.

When I returned to their words, I noticed something unexpected — they weren’t pulling away from therapy. They were leaning in. They wanted more from the process. They were showing up with honesty and vulnerability.

And that made me reflect on something in my own therapy.

For a while, I’d been feeling a little stuck too. Something in the work with my own therapist wasn’t flowing.

But I hadn’t said anything.

Why?

Because I was scared it might sound like criticism.

Because I didn’t want to hurt her.

Because I didn’t know how to bring it up.

But receiving feedback from my client helped me see what it takes to offer feedback — the trust, the courage, the investment in the process.

So I decided to do the same.

I took a deep breath and gently shared my hesitations with my therapist. My nervousness. My uncertainty.

And what she said shifted everything:

“You’re not giving feedback to your therapist. You’re giving it to the process.”

That sentence unlocked something in me.

We, as therapists, can sometimes conflate our identity with our work. So when a client says something isn’t working, it can feel like we’re being told we aren’t working.

But therapy is a living process.

Sometimes it needs adjusting.

Sometimes the approach no longer fits.

Sometimes clients outgrow the method, or need a different rhythm.

Feedback allows us to notice that — together.

Since that moment, I’ve felt more grateful on both sides of the therapeutic relationship.

Grateful that my client trusted me enough to speak up.

Grateful that I could model that courage back.

Grateful for a process that allows room for repair and growth.

Because in therapy:

Feedback isn’t rejection.

It’s relationship.

It’s care.

It’s co-creation.

If you’re a client and something doesn’t feel right — it’s okay to say it.

If you’re a therapist and something feels hard to hear — pause, breathe, and remember: it’s a chance to meet your client more fully.

That’s where the real work happens.

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